Failed

As the year ends, so does my effort, an experiment rather. I had set out with these vague objective's': dreaming of self-discovery and aiming to expand my knowledge about others as I hoped to expand my social circle. The result: a glorious failure.....I don't understand why and how I fail myself, when the failure is supposed to fail itself ! The seeds of self-doubt have grown and the fog continues to settle its cold presence all around me. At the crux of it all was a question, "what does it take to make good friends?" Well the answer definitely isn't Orkut lol, it definitely isn't in being genuine either. I am somehow becoming a firm believer of the phrase, "good guys finish last", either I end up meeting the wrong people or something is really wrong with me. No matter how genuine, caring and polite I try to be, I fail to retain friends, all I am left with are shallow cocoons of so called "friends". And my experiments of using different approaches on the internet doesn't seem to work either: so that definitely shows what the problem really is....I wish there was an eraser or the way Calvin puts it " I wish my life had a rewind and play button", but then how many times would you hit the rewind button ? People, as it appears, don't need the good person types, I don't think they want the straight forward types too. I am too optimistic to say that manupulation and toeing the line are the right ways to get em. Maybe the answer lies somewhere in the moderation, that's something I can't perfect. How can one demean one-self? How can one step down the ladder called life? No, that's not my cup of tea, I believe I can only use the delete button for now, but that can't happen for ever, the buck has to end with someone, perhaps somewhere down the line, perhaps in the new year....but for now the experiment is done with, for there is no one who's going to read this, it ends where it began....at an epoch that has no ending....at a question that has no answer: who am I ?

Social Interactions

"Empty handed I have come, Empty handed I will go,
Materialistic maladies: I was forced to bow,
Affections not afflictions are what you take,
Life to death, this journey we undertake."

Just coming to think of what life means....at least in my life-time, I've not found any concrete answer and perhaps never will....so all the best to the truth seekers. But what I have found is that life is defined by "treasure, wealth, assets, ka-ching etc etc etc", but what's to be noted here is that, unlike the ordinary, these nouns cannot be measured. For they are not the money we earn, they represent the love, respect and honor we earn. While I continue to enjoy my research in Florida, even as an absolute rookie, I get to be in the company of truly great researchers, some of them legends of our time. And yet there isn't an iota of arrogance in any of these legends. Teaches us that with fame we shouldn't forget to be humble....that brings me to the point of social interaction. Yes, our family is always there for us, but how many of us can say that we have genuine people around us, whom we can completely trust upon? Who can inspire us in life and whom we can inspire....untouched by the feelings of guilt, shame, shyness, ego and many more inhibitive traits, with whom we can be ourselves. In my honest opinion, when we find such people, when are in the company of such people, that is when we are actually living, so unless we have these social interactions, I'd call ourselves SOCIAL ZOMBIES and perhaps it includes "yours truly".

Cheers,
Sudarshan.
PS: Keep searching and when you find life, don't let go....

Philosophical.....

Have been reading Aristotle, Bentham & Kant lately, just makes me walk the philosophical road. Researching Ethics is not a matter of joke, wish I realized this earlier lol. No no I am not going to repeat my Gemini traits any more, so relax, am gonna stick to research in ethics for at least my PhD dissertation. All this philosophical talk reminds of one of my old poems, here it is enjoy :-)

Unknown

A beautiful place, a beautiful song, a beautiful life,
Such is the beauty of a place we call home, Earth!
So many lives, so many souls, so many stories,
A small speck of life, a needle in a haystack,
What is the value of a single life, Unknown!

Lost in the crowds, lost in his own world,
Seeking an identity, seeking himself, seeking a meaning,
Dependent lives, yet who am I, who are you,
He believes ignorance is bliss,
A reason, a meaning, a creator, Unknown!

Treading unknown paths of life, walking in the dark,
Not a single question asked, not a single answer given,
A future unseen, a past unknown, a present with no meaning,
Does he know why he is living?
A question asked; a reason for a belief, Unknown!

Is science right or is a belief, the answer, Unknown!
A creator, ignorance or innocence, reason Unknown!
Introspection, right or wrong, a fate Unknown!
We, orphans or heirs, an identity Unknown!
From I to WE, a beautiful bond, this Unknown.

I guess that's enough philosophy for today, enjoy folks, life is beautiful (it sucks occasionally though).
PS: Just wanted to thank someone, who's blog n posts took me down the memory lane and eventually to this post, "A Fresh New Whiff" indeed.

Cheers,
Sudarshan KP