As the year ends, so does my effort, an experiment rather. I had set out with these vague objective's': dreaming of self-discovery and aiming to expand my knowledge about others as I hoped to expand my social circle. The result: a glorious failure.....I don't understand why and how I fail myself, when the failure is supposed to fail itself ! The seeds of self-doubt have grown and the fog continues to settle its cold presence all around me. At the crux of it all was a question, "what does it take to make good friends?" Well the answer definitely isn't Orkut lol, it definitely isn't in being genuine either. I am somehow becoming a firm believer of the phrase, "good guys finish last", either I end up meeting the wrong people or something is really wrong with me. No matter how genuine, caring and polite I try to be, I fail to retain friends, all I am left with are shallow cocoons of so called "friends". And my experiments of using different approaches on the internet doesn't seem to work either: so that definitely shows what the problem really is....I wish there was an eraser or the way Calvin puts it " I wish my life had a rewind and play button", but then how many times would you hit the rewind button ? People, as it appears, don't need the good person types, I don't think they want the straight forward types too. I am too optimistic to say that manupulation and toeing the line are the right ways to get em. Maybe the answer lies somewhere in the moderation, that's something I can't perfect. How can one demean one-self? How can one step down the ladder called life? No, that's not my cup of tea, I believe I can only use the delete button for now, but that can't happen for ever, the buck has to end with someone, perhaps somewhere down the line, perhaps in the new year....but for now the experiment is done with, for there is no one who's going to read this, it ends where it began....at an epoch that has no ending....at a question that has no answer: who am I ?
6 comments:
I guess you need a defined step by step approach to reach your goals when these goals in Qeustion are materialistic. Like a top score, a great salary, a size zero etc. You get the picture. But where the subject is the more immaterial and hazily defined of things, much like friendship, there is never a game plan, my friend. Irrespective of what some guides/gurus may claim, there never is. Then how does it happen? Therein lies your key word. It just happens. Now if I say activity groups etc where people of common interest meet, I may sound too cliche. But they ARE worth a shot. Let me tell you this from my experience. Making friends isn't half as difficult. But keeping the good ones should never be. If these friends are truly genuine, and they really saw in you, what you did not endeavour to show and impress, if they've seen the worst of you and yet know and value the best of you, if they KNOW who you are and what stuff you're made of, they will never leave you. Even if you never call them back, they would. Even if you spoke to them after like a few billion year gap, you could still start off on the same footing.
These things take time. Patience is always easier adviced than had. However, that is all you have at hand. So, goodluck with your journey, my friend.
Thanks for the encouraging words, well the problem really is: me being a stickler for my principles. Too many rules, too much scrutiny, not that I don't have friends....guess the original post came after an overdoze of booze lol. You are right, patience is the key and I can't agree with you more about everything you've said. The thing that keeps me/us going is: hope. We are too optimistic to give up on relations, too self-conscious to repeat the earlier mistakes and this oxymoronic cat and mouse between hope and self-consciousness keeps going and on. Guess that is where we lose and that is where the "unlearning" must come into picture. So the "girl who thinks" is making me think too :-)
nice expressions sudarshan! sounds all too familiar... I felt exactly the same way as a kid, now I understand that everything happens for a reason we may or maynot comprehend, and that every blow of the chisel only shapes us into finer sculptures. Destiny brings people into our lives, many pass, while some retain. Life is all continous learning, and when people finish off teaching u the lessons they came for, they quit from ur life.
Good luck!
Thank you for the wonderful comment, you are right life is a learning curve but the quest for stability leads you in search of true friends and you don't expect genuine friends to leave. All about they being there for educating us is wishful thinking and only comes after the people have left your life. The bottom line is, if you are a genuine friend you stick with each other through thick and thin. Starting a friendship with the notion that it's just a lesson if he or I leave is a false premise. So we should think positive and stay positive.
Nice post. Good to know you studied in AECS 3.
I was in AECS3 1992 batch.
Regards
Srivyal
www.sphoorti.org
Nice piece of writing !
I agree with you. I am of the opinion too that good guys DO finish last !
...but i have been lucky somehow to have found not just one but four people !! and even after 11 years inspite of being scattered around the globe whenever we meet we just pick up from where we left the last time....and i can safely call them my true best friends !
So hang in there and you are bound to hit upon the right ones along your way.
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